Tullian Tchividjian

Utterly Undone

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If you do something right or something admirable, you are rewarded or praised for it.

If you do something wrong or disobey, you are punished.

That is the narrative we all have been raised with since we were children. Good behavior gets rewarded. Bad behavior gets punished. That’s justice. That’s how the world is supposed to work. That’s the law in action. It’s neat and clean and controllable. If _____, then ______. It’s what science is built on. Laws of physics. Laws of nature. It’s explainable and it makes sense.

Then comes grace.

In Chapter 8 of Tullian Tchividjian’ book, One Way Love, it reminds us of the fabulous story in Les Miserables. Whether you’ve seen it on Broadway or watched the screen adaptations, you know the story. Javert, the unrelenting, rigid inspector tells Jean Valjean as he gets out of prison that he will always be a criminal and when Valjean breaks his parole, Javert spends the rest of his life hunting him down like one. Although encountering Javert under assumed identities, Jean Valjean always treats his pursuer graciously. Inspector Javert is consumed to bring Valjean to justice. In the stage version, he even sings, “Mine is the way of the law.” Here’s what Tullian says:

“Valjean refuses to play by the same rules of quid pro quo, going so far as to be gracious with Javert in their several encounters. Valjean’s treatment of him haunts and radically disorients Javert. In the climactic scene, instead of doing away with him once and for all, Valjean saves Javert’s life. Javert is utterly undone by this unexpected act of mercy.”

“Utterly undone.” That is one of the best descriptions of what grace can do. Yes, it can completely wipe away and “undo” my past sins, but that is only the factual part of it. However, when the reality of grace really hits me, and I mean REALLY hits me, I am utterly undone.

All the performance-based rules of how I am supposed to behave our thrown out the window. I am free of them. Now, when I’m good, I am loved and rewarded. When I’m bad, I am loved and rewarded (by grace!). Don’t get me wrong: This doesn’t mean I want to go out and misbehave or disobey. To the contrary. Because I am completely and utterly undone, I now am completely and utterly in love with Jesus. I have no desire to misbehave or disobey. I am compelled to live totally for God.

God’s love, shown by His radically disorienting grace and mercy has the power to move mountains. I have seen it set people free from seemingly impossible bondage. I have seen husbands and wives reconcile when all was seemingly lost. Shoot… it has radically transformed me at the age of 55! All because of His “one-way” love.

Surrendered?

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I attended a church service in June or July of 1996 and I was never the same afterward. I’m ashamed to say that I don’t know my “Re-Birthday”, but I think it was July and it was definitely ’96. I was changed. That was nearly 18 years ago and I think that those who knew me in college and high school would say there’s been a change. I would have been voted “Most Likely to Waste Their Life” because I was getting wasted all the time. It’s an apt description… what a waste! I nearly did waste my life; that is, until 1996.

Thereafter, I hungered for the things of God. I devoured the Bible in six months. I knew what I was supposed to do. I had the knowledge. But the obedience didn’t follow. I fell into sin, and as is the unfortunate case with most Christian failings, the perpetrator is ostracized or shunned. Those that knew about my sin tried to get me to turn away but after a couple of tries, they would have nothing to do with me.

Normally sin will keep you from the desire to seek the things of God, but not so with me. I still hungered and at the same time, was tormented by what Christians would call the conviction of the Holy Spirit.

I discovered grace (again) in February of 1997 when I first attended a new church, Community Fellowship Church of the Nazarene. It felt like a safe place from the very beginning. I had lunch at Captain D’s Restaurant with its pastor, Jeff Griffith, and he showed me the true meaning of love, forgiveness, grace, and restoration. Through his leadership, I found that, incredibly, God could use my failings and brokeness to bring encouragement, healing, and victory to others. And God did, amazingly. I still shake my head in amazement.

I attended that church for 16 years, and being the Type-A personality that I am, served as hard as I could. Looking back, maybe it was God’s burning desire rekindled in me or maybe it was an effort to repay God for His forgiveness and restoration. Maybe it was both. I was constantly trying to do more, learn more, study more, work more, and even surrender more.

My wife and I sadly left that church last August. It was the hardest decision of my Christian life. Looking back after seven months, I’m glad we left. I miss the people terribly, but without leaving, I would have never discovered the liberation I now have after finding another facet of God’s grace.

Every Sunday, Christians hear a message of forgiveness and surrender. They are encouraged to surrender or to surrender more, and some pulpits will even declare a message of trying harder. I can’t remember a message of trying harder, although I know that it’s preached. I’ve preached it. I’ve taught it. “Read more.” “Pray more.” “Serve more,” is the mantra.

As I’ve struggled in my journey of faith, I’ve always thought my problem was that I hadn’t surrendered fully. There must be areas of my life that I haven’t fully turned over to God. I haven’t fully yielded to the leading of the Holy Spirit. That must be the problem, I thought. That’s what I’ve been taught and that’s what’s been preached (at least that’s what I thought I heard).

That may be true, but to a Type-A personality and perfectionist like me, surrender then becomes an obsession, and actually becomes – in some crazy way – a work. It becomes something I must do in order to become more like Christ. Maybe that sounds crazy to you. Maybe it sounds strangely familiar.

For me, liberating victory has (again) come through the Gospel. Yes, the Gospel. The Good News.

Knowing that Jesus paid the price for my sins is one thing (and yes, the MAIN THING), but there’s more to it than just that (although that’s great news by itself).

It’s also knowing that…

… because Jesus won, I’m free to lose.
… because Jesus was strong, I’m free to be weak.
… because Jesus was someone, I’m free to be no one.
… because Jesus was the ultimate leader, I’m free and content to be a follower.
… because Jesus was (is) extraordinary, I’m free and content to be ordinary.
… because Jesus succeeded, I am free to fail.
… because “It is finished”, the work is done.

There is such freedom in those words, but there’s more.

I’ve said it before but I have to say it again and again because it is such Good News: There’s nothing I can do to make God love me more and nothing I can do to make God love me less. There is nothing I can do to repay God. There is nothing I can do to curry God’s favor, including surrendering more.*

Surrendering more is something that occurs naturally by getting the statements above the 18 inches from my head down into my heart. Surrendering more is something I don’t have to do; it just happens. As I discover the full revelation of God’s love and grace, it fills me more and more with the things of God. He’s all I think about or want to think about. I see the futility of living any other way and see more and more my need for Him everyday… mostly to save me from ME. It’s still a constant battle, but one that Jesus has already won for me.

I’m not sure if any of this resonates with you, but it is life-changing with me. Isn’t God’s grace truly amazing!?!

 

* to read a better description of this liberation, read any of Tullian Tchividjian’s books, such as One Way Love or Jesus + Nothing = Everything

I thank God for his fresh teaching on the subject.

Embarrassments

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I read an article a few nights ago about Donald Sterling and just had to share some thoughts from it. Donald Sterling, if you fell off the planet in the past two weeks, is the embattled owner of the Los Angeles Clippers NBA basketball team. He made some shocking, deplorable remarks to his girlfriend that were recorded which included that she shouldn’t associate with black people and he wished that she wouldn’t “bring them to his games.” The remarks are appalling, indeed, and everyone, seemingly, has weighed in on this issue – from LeBron James and Michael Jordan to President Obama.

In his article, “Jesus Came for the embarrassments”, Nick Lannon writes:

“It seems to me, though, that there is at least one thing left to say, one thing that I’ve not heard amidst the talking heads, one thing that’s being drowned out by the outrage: I’m not all that different than Donald Sterling.

“To frame our discussion, let’s use a tweet from ESPN.com’s NBA analyst Kevin Pelton, who wrote this on Saturday:

“@kpelton: Important Sterling takeaway: If it’s so hard to get rid of an embarrassing owner, the vetting process better be airtight.

“What Pelton is referring to here is the vetting process done by the NBA and other owners before giving a prospective owner the opportunity to buy into their most exclusive of clubs. There have been many calls for the NBA to ‘force’ Sterling to sell the Clippers, but there doesn’t seem to be any kind of precedent—or legal recourse—to make that happen. Pelton suggests that if kicking an embarrassment out is impossible, the league should make extra sure that they don’t let embarrassments in in the first place.

“Here’s the pertinent fact for our discussion: We are all embarrassments!

“Too often, we think of Christianity as an NBA-like exclusive club from which we’d like to keep potential embarrassments. When someone on the inside has a public ‘fall from grace,’ we wonder aloud to each other if they were ever truly members in the first place. We keep our vetting process airtight, praying that our club avoid embarrassment.

“What if Jesus had sentiments similar to those Pelton expressed? In Part 13 of his Romans sermon series, Pastor Tullian Tchividjian asked this question. ‘If he’s going to be such an embarrassment,’ Jesus might say, ‘I’ve got to make sure my vetting process is airtight.’

“Pastor Tullian continued: ‘Jesus doesn’t vet. He comes to the embarrassments. He comes to you and to me.’ ”

Lannon goes on to add that if Jesus had a “vetting” process to get into the Kingdom, we’d all be in trouble. He says, “We need a God who, in Christ, does not vet. We need a God who knows us to be the needy, prideful, prejudiced, self-glorifying Donald Sterling people that we are, and who comes to us in our need. We need a God who doesn’t wait for us to clean up our act. Donald Sterling has proven himself an enemy of the NBA, and the NBA is going to do all it can to punish him for it. Jesus Christ, on the other hand, was sent on a mission specifically to rescue his enemies (Romans 5:10).

“It might be fair for Donald Sterling to lose his NBA team. That’s for lawyers to decide. We need a God who is better than fair; in fact, a fair god leads inexorably to our destruction. We need a God of mercy. And in Christ, the rescuer of enemies, we have one.”

(Note: Two days ago, Donald Sterling was banned for life from the NBA, fined a hefty amount, and ordered to sell his team. Stay tuned.)