God

Humble pie

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I wonder what the Lord is trying to teach me…

Last October, I made plans and surprised Sharon on our 15th wedding anniversary with an Alaskan cruise this summer with Inspiration Cruises. I planned it with a couple extra days in Seattle before the cruise to sightsee and a couple of days after the cruise as well. Being an Inspiration Cruise, I planned the excursions and even signed up for the “Choir Track” for Sharon. She gets to practice with Michael W. Smith and perform with him with the rest of the choir in an onboard concert and in a concert in Juneau, Alaska. The cruise also features David Jeremiah, Phillips, Craig, and Dean, Nicole Nordeman, Scott Hamilton and others. It is going to be fabulous. I used miles/points and we’re flying free to Seattle and back. We even arranged for Sharon’s son, Adam, to be in town to house-sit and dog-sit for Bella. It was all well-planned, if I do say so myself.

This past Sunday, Sharon stumbled coming down some steps at church and badly sprained her foot. It’s the same foot which she injured two years ago in an anniversary trip to San Francisco. We went to Med-Express Sunday afternoon, they took X-rays and found nothing broken. They prescribed rest, ice, compression, and elevation. That’s what you do with any sprain. And we walked out of there with Sharon on crutches. We iced it for two days and Sharon tried packing for the trip. She did virtually all of her packing and then rested it and iced it some more.

Yesterday morning, she could barely move and her other leg hurt from favoring her injured one so much. I didn’t see how she was… we were… going on this trip.

I was mad. I wasn’t sure who or what I was mad at, but I was mad. Mad at Sharon (it’s not her fault!), mad that I didn’t purchase trip insurance, mad that all the planning for sightseeing was going to be spent driving around in the car… or worse, we weren’t going at all.

She called an sceduled an appointment with Orthepedic Associates at Augusta Health. They did x-rays as well, which were negative, prescribed the same rest, ice, compression, and elevation, and sent her to get an “air-cast” to stabilize the foot. She walked on it and now thinks she can handle the trip.

I am so wretched and so self-centered. All I could think of was how it all was going to affect me and MY plans. Life happens. Accidents happen. Stuff happens. It’s how you react that matters. I didn’t react so well. I didn’t pass this test.

I don’t want another one.

(We leave late morning. Sharon has the air-cast on her foot. I’m bloated from eating humble pie)

Nothing Else Matters

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Pastor Brandon delivered a great sermon yesterday about the requirements and rewards of following Jesus. Wholehearted devotion to Jesus has tremendous rewards… God Himself being the most wonderful… but it doesn’t come without counting the cost.

He quoted great Scripture to validate his points…

1) Acknowledge His Kingdom as more valuable than His gifts:

Luke 14:26: Love Him more, compared to everything else.
Mark 12:29-31: The Great Commandment – love God with all that we are.

2) Acknowledge His Kingdom as more valuable than yours:

Luke 14:27: Carry your cross, the instrument and of death. In our case, the symbol of death of self.
Mark 8:34-38: The paradox of hanging on to our lives in this world system causes us to actually lose what’s really important.

3) Acknowledge the eternal as more valuable than the temporal.

Luke 14:33, Matt 13:44-46, Phil 3:18-20: The kingdom of heaven has tremendous rewards, both in the life to come and in the here and now.

But as a believer, I never knew how to get there. I never knew how to get to that level of commitment. I thought I knew. I tried harder. I worked harder. I even prayed more and read my Bible more. But somehow I knew there was more to it than that.

After making these great points, Pastor Brandon stressed that this was not a “works” message. He stressed that it is “the intention of the heart” that matters, and he asked us to think about and pray the Scripture found in Ephesians 3:16-19:

When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (NLT)

To me, this was the key. Not actually the verse or the prayer, but what’s contained within. You see, all the good intentions in the world won’t make it happen. All the thought that humanity can conjure up won’t help us make that leap from merely a churchgoer to a authentic follower of Jesus. All the acknowledgement and commitment (or re-commitment) that I can muster will not help me follow-through and be victorious. It is the “intention of the heart.”

It is a fresh revelation of the love of God. It is knowing IN MY HEART OF HEARTS that God loves and accepts me as I am that produces undying devotion and compels me to live my life wholeHEARTedly for Jesus. It’s not perfect behavior, to be sure, but I am compelled by something I can’t fully verbalize, to live a life for the One who lived and died for me. It is a freedom to be “me”, knowing that will be enough.

That sounds like a resignation to stagnation, but what it produces instead is a freedom to grow, blossom and fly. It is a freedom to risk. It is a freedom to try (and fail, possibly) because I am walking with the One who succeeded and is ultimately victorious.

In essence, I am BEGINNING to understand how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. That is how I get from head knowledge to heart knowledge. That is how my commitment moves the eighteen inches from my head to my heart. A fresh revelation of the love of God. That is Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians because it makes all the difference in the world… literally.

I don’t need to move Jesus up on my priority list. I don’t even need to count the cost. Once I realize and internalize how much God loves and accepts me, I don’t need to evaluate my commitment. It automatically occurs. It just happens. There’s nothing else on my list. The costs become immaterial.

Nothing else matters.

Looking, listening, and praying…

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As I mentioned in earlier posts, I was up in New Jersey for my granddaughter’s high school graduation. We gave her a couple of gifts and my wife Sharon asked me to write a couple of notes to go along with each gift. In my self-absorbed mind, she wanted me to impart some “wisdom” to the young lass. Ha!

I’ve mentioned that I’m trying to listen more and talk less. I’m searching for direction and confirmation. My ears and eyes are wide-open. And I’m hearing things from God. It’s a great thing. I’m hearing them from unlikely sources, too.

While staying in Jersey at my step-daughter’s home, I went imageupstairs to her bedroom to see what she was doing. She was talking with her brother in her bedroom and as I came in the room, I saw what appeared to be giant Post-It Notes stuck to her walls all around the room. She is chasing a God-given dream to pursue modeling, singing, and even acting. On each of these notes are different areas of the dream: one for modeling, one for singing, a giant note with a prayer list, one with the heading “The Dream Giver”, and so forth. When I saw these giant Post-It Notes I was flabbergasted! I was overwhelmed by the thought and imageprayer and purposeful planning that had gone into chasing her dream. I am in awe of God and what he is doing in her life.

As we were driving to a wonderful spot in North Jersey, the New Jersey Botanical Gardens at Skylands Mansion, I was telling her of a dream that I believe the Lord has given me, something that’s been building for a few years. She said one thing I may never forget. she said, “When God gives you a dream, the one thing I found out is that there will always be naysayers. You can’t listen to them.”image

If you have a dream, keep your ears and eyes open. You never know what you’ll see and hear.

Still looking, listening, and praying…

Does it even matter?!?

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As I recently posted, I’m doing more listening and less writing for the next 40 days or so.

While I’m doing so, I want to continue to post things that are meaningful to me. One such thing is this video by Andy Andrews.

Andy is a well-known author and speaker. I highly recommend listening to him and reading his books. A couple of my favorite books are The Noticer and The Traveler’s Gift. His writing is humorous, meaningful, life-changing, and extremely easy to read.

Enjoy!

Listening

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I’m having trouble writing recently. I don’t think it’s so-called “writer’s block” because I have all sorts of thoughts rolling around in my head (contrary to what my friends and family think). I’m just trying to “listen” more in this short season in my life.

I gave my notice at work about 30 days ago and my last day is June 30th. I had planned some summer travelling, first with my wife Sharon and then motorcycling out west. It’s roughly a six-week hiatus.

For the past couple of weeks and for the upcoming six-week period, I plan on talking less and listening more. Writing is the equivalent of talking, so I plan to write a bit less in the hopes that my ears will be open to God’s leading.

I recently wrote an inscription in a gift book my wife and I gave our high school graduate granddaughter which included something like this:

“Your entire life is seemingly before you and you’ll be facing many decisions and ‘forks in the road’. You’ll wonder which way to go. How will you know what decision to make? How will you make the right decision? It’s simple, really.

“Follow the instruction found in God’s Word:

‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
Lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways, acknowledge Him,
and He will direct your paths.’
(Proverbs 3:5-6)”

I pray she follows those simple verses all of her days. I pray I follow those words for the next six weeks or so (and all of my days).

So… less talking, more listening.

Hanging on every word…

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When I (stupidly) mention to my dog, Bella, that we’re going for a ride, or use the word “go” or “going”, she hangs on every word I say thereafter. She looks expectantly, waiting on the next word I might say that she recognizes. She’s doing it right now, waiting for us to go.image

Our black lab, Sam, was a little different. He would perk up for things he heard that he recognized, but he lived to obey. Retrievers are wired that way. They love to obey their master, and they, too, hang on every word you say.

I wish I would live to obey my Master, Teacher, Father, and Friend! He is working everything out for my own good, whether it feels good or not. He can be trusted with every detail of my life. I just wish I could lie at His feet, hang on every Word, and look as expectantly to Jesus as Bella looks at me. She is obsessed.

I want to be obsessed with Jesus and following Him!

All that really matters…

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“What really matters is what God says about us. What would it matter if a thousand people bowed before us and praised our name if God condemned us? What would it matter if ten thousand people reviled and cursed us if God accepted us and loved us? We have already been accepted by the one whose acceptance is all that really matters.”
— James Bryan Smith, Embracing the Love of God

I find myself dependent on the approval and acceptance of others, from my friends and co-workers to my wonderful wife, Sharon. I may say outwardly that I don’t care what others think, but my thoughts and actions say otherwise. Approval addiction is what some would call it. I’m not sure where this comes from… early childhood probably.

But what James Bryan Smith is getting at in this passage and in this book is that knowing — really knowing — that God loves you and me and accepts you and me, JUST AS WE ARE (before we shape up, improve, get our act together, kick our bad habits, or clean up)… this love and acceptance can (and should) profoundly transform us. When it really gets deep down inside us that you and I are truly God’s “beloved” as His Word says over and over, we are changed. This is all that matters.

We then can accept ourselves as we are. We no longer are perfectionists, aggravated and disturbed by our weaknesses and flaws, our shortcomings and warts, and our repeated failures. We are loved and accepted. That’s all that really matters. We all want to be loved and accepted by others, but we are no longer ruled by it. Whatever we lack from others, God gladly, freely, and overwhelmingly makes up for. His love is all that really matters.

Knowing that God loves and accepts us, as we are right now, allows us to love and accept others, with all their flaws and failures. We don’t have to accept their behavior, but God’s love for us allows us to accept and love others as they are right now. We are able to give grace to others because we have received it so abundantly.

Lastly, God’s nearly unbelievable acceptance produces in me and in you an unexplainable desire for holiness. It is not a matter of being more pious, but a desire for more of God. The former leads to self-righteousness; the latter to His righteousness. This wonderful love, acceptance, and grace does not lead to loose living as a license to sin, but it is a springboard to the life of love and freedom that God desires for each one of us.

It is abundant life. It is eternal living.

His love and acceptance… all that really matters.

Divine Coincidence?

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As many of you know, I’ve been reading a series of books by James Bryan Smith. First, The Good and Beautiful God; next, The Good and Beautiful Life; lastly, The Good and Beautiful Community. Everyone at Church on the Hill has been reading these books, as Pastor Brandon has been preaching from them in a nine-month series entitled “The Disciple’s Pathway”. All the small groups are working through them in unison as well. The series has had a tremendous impact on my life and I heartily recommend them.

I’ve enjoyed them so much that I’ve searched out more books by the same author and I’ve found two more: Embracing the Love of God, and a piece of fiction, Room of Marvels. I’m reading these two books a little bit each day.

James Bryan Smith is a chaplain and theology professor at Friends University in Kansas. He was a close personal friend of singer/songwriter Rich Mullins, who died in an auto accident in 1997. In fact, when Rich was at Friends University, he spent two years living in a makeshift apartment in Smith’s attic. The two became very close friends.

The book, Room of Marvels, chronicles a period of time in the life of a man who is a spiritual leader in his church and his community, but who has reached burnout and despair after the death of his toddler-aged daughter, his mother, and his best friend in an auto accident — all in a span of a couple of months. After reading a short while, it seems to be more of an auto-biographical piece of fiction than anything else, recounting Smith’s own struggles in life, and with death and tragedy.

This past week, God has brought a tremendous intersection of… well, I don’t even know what to call it. I’ve been training a gentleman named Tom, who answered a Craigslist Help-Wanted ad to do some property evaluations. We’ve spent several hours together this past week, and one thing led to another, and I asked him about his background – where he went to school and so forth.

He answered, “I went to Friends University.”
“Huh?!? What? Really?” I replied.
“Yep.”
“Did you know… do you know… of an author, a teacher/professor named James Bryan Smith?”
“Well, there was a chaplain by the name of Jim Smith.”
“Oh my goodness.”
“And he was best friends with Rich Mullins when he died in that car wreck.”
“Yes! Yes!”
“Yeah, I knew Rich, too. That was so tragic. In fact, I played with Rich in the last concert he played at Friends.”
“Wow,” was about all I could mutter, trying to figure out what God was trying to do here.

I explained to him all I’ve been reading, and he didn’t realize “Jim” Smith was such a respected and prolific author. We finished our work together that day and I mentioned that I didn’t want to miss what God was trying to do or trying to teach me with this divine “coincidence”. Tom then said, “It probably is more for me than for you.” Not knowing what to say, I just let that hang there in the air, and we continued to finish up the work for the day.

The next day, in the midst of our work, I mentioned that we should have coffee together, and he eagerly agreed. We meet a little later today.

I’ve been in prayer ever since we agreed to meet, using the prayer my friend Donna taught me this week: “I want your will, God. Nothing more, nothing less, and nothing else.” I don’t know what to expect or where this might lead but I’m going in with my eyes and ears wide open.

Stay tuned.

Fight Like a Man

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I have a men’s devotional booklet at work that my friend and riding buddy, Paul, gave me. I’ve used it a few times when I’ve a free minute or two, which is rare these days. I was looking at its cover, and, as you can see, it has a boxer on the cover with the words, “Come Out Fighting.”

Those words appeal to men. We want to fight. We want to fight for what’s right. We want to fight for our honor. We want to fight for our families. Our heroes (which aren’t only men) want to fight for our country, for our freedom, for our way of life. We want to fight.

But I think that title may give the wrong impression. I think that for 95% of the “Christian Soldiers”, fighting means praying harder, trying harder, having more faith, or serving in as many ways as possible. While prayer and service are wonderful things, showing us the heart of God, many times we do them in our own strength. We engage in spiritual warfare with naivety, praying louder and louder, thinking that we can shout down our enemy, Satan. We serve others at a frantic pace, hoping that by doing more, we become more acceptable to God.

I say, “WE”, because I include myself. I’ve been guilty of this most of my Christian life. But I’m discovering that, first and foremost, I’m acceptable by God just as I am right now. I don’t need to do anything else. In fact, as I’ve said before, there’s nothing I can do to make me more acceptable or less acceptable to God. He loves me and accepts me RIGHT NOW, with all my flaws, with all my mistakes, and with all my weaknesses. (Romans 8:38-39)

In fact, that’s where the Jesus-follower fights from: a position of weakness. It is from a posture of weakness that God can truly show His strength. It is through weakness that His power is made perfect (2Corinthians 12:9-10). We can come humbly and boldly to the throne of grace and find mercy and grace in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16). And in doing so, we can have a confidence that in our weakness, we can “fight the good fight” that the apostle Paul talks about (1Timothy 6:12, 2Timothy 4:7)

It’s counter-intuitive, but as Jesus-followers, that is where the fight is won: a position of weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:10 NIV:
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Nothing more, nothing less, and nothing else

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Last night, my wife Sharon and I had the opportunity to have dinner with old friends… folks we hadn’t really sat down with and talked to for over a year. It was so good to just catch up. It was great to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives, and talk with them like we’ve never been apart. It was so good to laugh so hard until you cried and your side hurt. It was great to smile so much that your face hurt. Laughter really is good medicine!

Many were facing tough decisions or heading towards a crossroads in their life. Possibly the most profound thing said last night was from Donna, who’s been successfully battling cancer. She said that she learned this little prayer from a friend of hers: “Dear Lord, I want your will; nothing more, nothing less, and nothing else.” She continued by saying that it was a difficult prayer to pray. “It’s just hard,” she said.

You’re right, Donna. But it may be the best prayer I’ve heard (or said) all year.